Covid-19 and our Worldwide Grief

Indeed, the world has been shaken. So much has changed since I wrote last. 

A microscopic virus, Covid-19, has taken our planet by storm. As of this post, 3.5 million people around the globe have been confirmed to be infected, close to 250,000 people have died. Hospitals around the world have had, or are bracing for, a surge of patients who need ventilators, cities have allocated stadiums to be ready for them. States and countries have been grasping for personal protective equipment like face-masks for nurses and doctors. Schools are closed, restless children bounce off the walls at home with their exhausted parents. Restaurants and shops are closed, businesses are suffering. Many have adjusted to spending their days working from home, connecting with their coworkers and loved ones on Zoom. Some have lost jobs entirely, or have been let go on furlough. Some are working tirelessly in grocery stores keeping shelves stocked as customers keep clearing them. The store experience itself has changed drastically - we are all wearing masks and gloves, people are nervous as we encounter one another on walks or in isles. Are we 6 feet apart? Some are working long stressful hours in the hospital, caring for those who are sick. We have been asked to stay at home as much as possible, but we crave conversation, normalcy, sunshine. We struggle to find boundaries about what's worth venturing out.

Every person on the planet has been, or will be, directly affected by this virus. The world we knew before this won't be the same anymore. 

Even my daughter June, who turns 4 on May 26th, is pondering what this all means for her. She's been struggle with her temper. She keeps asking heart breaking questions, like, "Tomorrow when there's no coronavirus, can I touch my friend?" I'm not sure how to answer. I'm not sure when the things will be like they used to, or if they will ever be. I'm not sure when we'll get to have playdates again, when we'll get to hug our family and friends and not just see them from 6' away. As nice as it is to see people, even 6' apart, its almost too heartbreaking to keep the distance. Something in me longs for the way things used to be.

There have been so many sweet moments despite these hard realities. I have so much time to just be around my children. Pouring into them and training them is wonderful and exhausting. Because we homeschool, our schedule these days hasn't changed much: our mornings are spent working on schoolwork, lots of book reading and writing and math and "tea time" (our literature and arts time). Augustine is almost 1 and keeps me on the toes - whether its eating anything on the floor or finding cupboards to empty. We then have a rest time, and then play outside or take walks around our neighborhood. But after so many weeks, the breaks in the afternoons and evenings I used to recharge have disappeared, my connection with others has been more sparse, and I find myself running on empty a lot of days. Of course we are missing our families, we are missing our church community, our friends, our evenings connecting with others in our home as well. 

If I'm honest, I've had many different waves of difficult feelings the last few weeks. I've felt like I need space to think about what all is happening. I've felt incredibly tired even though I've slept all night. I've longed for connection with people. I've cried for all the deaths happening in the world, although few are near me. I've felt so heavy, physically heavy. I've felt like things are too loud and fast moving (mostly the kids). I've felt the temptation to click on a show or read a biography and forget about all these heavy things. 

Even my bible reading - my lifeline to my Maker, my Savior - feels different. I've found myself longing to read Psalms as I have in other season when my mind is foggy and my feelings feel big. I bring all these feelings to Him, He's the best listener, and the best counselor. 

And, I've noticed something. This feels familiar. 

Maybe it feels familiar to you too. Maybe it doesn't, and this feeling is totally new to you. But I'd venture to say, pretty soundly now after thinking about it the last few weeks:

We are all feeling GRIEF. 

If you are familiar with grief, maybe you can understand what I'm talking about just by reading that sentence. But if you're not, welcome. Welcome to a new normal. 

But that's just it, right? It's not a welcome new normal. There are a lot of uncomfortable things about this new normal. And a lot of things we didn't want to change. A lot of things canceled, a lot of things lost. A lot of new things that are scary. 

This. Is. Grief.

Most people think grief is what one experiences, or goes through, when someone you love dies. And that is most definitely true. But grief, and similar feelings, can occur with any loss. 

Can you think of any losses you've experienced lately? Maybe the loss of your old schedule? The loss of seeing your family members in person? The loss of your community (in person, at least?) The loss of important plans and events in your life (a wedding, a trip, an event)? 

Maybe you're thinking - well that's nothing compared to a loved one dying. And, in a way you're right. There's a finality to the death of a loved one that is especially painful. But, having gone through the death of my daughter, and other losses/griefs, I have to say there are many similarities. 

So...considering I have done much reading and research these past 4 years of grief, I thought it might be helpful to walk you through some things that might help you in your grief. 

Because, we are all going through this. 

Will you walk with me through this? Maybe some of the things I've learned will help you. Maybe not. But at least we'll be in this together. 

I've broken out my old GriefShare workbook and want to share some of the things in it with you. GriefShare is a program for those who have lost loves ones, and it walks them through grief, what to expect, how to cope. It helped me so immensely the first year after Noelle died to know what to expect. The workbook is meant to go along with an amazing video that shares snippets of people who have experienced grief and have worked with others who are grieving.

I thought a snapshot might give you some tools to manage the griefs you're facing now. 

Week 1 talks about what grief is like.

Grief is:

- Chaotic - and understandably, because things are so different

- It may feel like your mind isn't working, ("Am I losing my mind?")

- Something Jesus did himself!

Some tips:

    -  Give your self permission to grieve. Honestly express your emotions. Don't suppress your feelings. There are lasting effects to suppressing your emotions - physical symptoms, relational damage. 

    - Grief can be intense - expect a tangled ball of emotions. But it won't last like this forever.

    - So how can we deal with grief? We can lean into it, and go through it. We can postpone any big decision if possible. (Don't buy a house or quit your job...I speak from experience).

    - One of the most helpful tips I heard in this session was: Do the next thing. Maybe that means, get up out of bed. Maybe that means get a drink of water. 

    - There is in the workbook an entire two pages with about 100 different emotions someone going through grief might feel! What kinds of emotions are you feeling with all the changes in our world? 

The "homework" for GriefShare includes 5 days of short Bible verse and thoughtful questions. If you've been struggling, would you consider taking some time to think about and pray about these passages? 

Some questions to think about: How is grief portrayed in these passages? What does my grief look like? Consider writing a prayer to God about your troubles, asking for his help and strength. 

I'd love to hear from you. 
Do you recognize this season as grief? What losses are you struggling with? 

May God be your refuge and strength, your ever-present help in time of need. 

Psalm 6:6-7, Psalm 10:1, Psalm 61:1-2, James 5:13, John 11:35

(CAVEAT: I am not a professional counselor, so if you're having a hard time coping with normal daily function or having suicidal thoughts, I advise getting in contact with a professional. If you've lost a loved one, please visit GriefShare website and check out their resources.)